GENRE: Gay Paranormal Spicy Romance
LENGTH: 59,097 words
RATING:

What happens when a hunky demon visits you and commands you to break all ten commandments? Or when a handsome angel orders you to do the opposite? And what if you’re Bobby Ray, and you’ve already broken nine of the ten, and thou shalt not kill is a close brick away, and the demon has tacked on a cushy afterlife in hell as a reward? Decisions, decisions. And poor Bobby Ray has never been good at one decision, let alone multiple ones. Broke, divorced, and pretty darn miserable, does he do what’s right or what’s easy?

In this darkly comical romantic adventure, Bobby Ray, with the help of numerous friends and just as many enemies, one being his ex-husband, travels from Georgia to Israel and ultimately across Egypt and the Gaza Strip in search of the one clue that will hopefully save them all, and possibly the entire world. Will good win out over evil, love over hate? Or will Bobby Ray ultimately break the universe?

EXCERPT:
Note: may contain sexually explicit scenes of a homoerotic nature.

As I stood over the sleeping man, brick in hand, heart beating a rhythmic drum solo in my chest, a brilliant flash of white light punched me straight in the face. “What the f --”

“Bobby Ray!” boomed the voice, seemingly from all directions. “Though shalt not kill!”

“Well, not yet, anyway,” I replied. “Wait just another minute.” I tried swatting the blinding light away, but, well, it was light, so swatting didn’t seem to do the trick. “That thing got a switch?” I didn’t know who I was talking to. I guessed this was all my subconscious, some sort of guilt trip I was laying on myself for killing my neighbor Tom. Or trying to. But with my eyes watering something awful, I was having a bit of a hard time of it. Maybe I shouldn’t have had the bourbon beforehand. Or finished the bottle. And smoked a joint to calm my nerves. But see, I liked Tom. Right on up until I found out that he was sleeping with my husband, I liked him. Or, okay, to be fair, my ex-husband, but still.

“Bobby Ray!” again boomed the voice, the floor beneath me suddenly rolling like a wave. “Though shalt not kill!”

Funnily enough, the voice didn’t sound like mine. I’d have thought my subconscious would’ve sounded something like me, but nope, not even close. Also, Tom wasn’t moving. And the voice was fucking loud, and the waving floor was still waving, and the bed was waving right along with it, but Tom was still lying there snoring. Ambien, I figured. Had to be. In any case, I set the brick down next to him and wiped my eyes with my sleeve. Soon as I did that, the lights went out in Georgia -- Georgia being where we were at the time and not simply the lyrics to a catchy old song.

“What the f --” I repeated as my eyes focused on the apparent source of the booming voice. “Shouldn’t have mixed the bourbon and the pot.” I wiped at my peepers again. And again. Only, the angel floating in front of me with his massive wings spread out and a sort of pale glow all around him wasn’t blinking away as I had hoped. “I bet that pot was laced with something. Shouldn’t have bought it off that stranger at the bar. That was my first mistake.”

The angel grinned. As grins went, this was one was quite, well, angelic. Duh, I suppose. “It doesn’t even break the top one hundred mistakes you’ve made, Bobby Ray.”

I shrugged. “Yeah, it hasn’t been a good year for me.” Understatement. Of the gross variety.

The angel folded his wings and stepped a foot closer to me as just his toes touched the ground. He was tall, almost seven feet, if I had to take a guess. Handsome as all get out, too. Smooth as alabaster and naked as the day he was born. Though I was guessing he hadn’t ever really been born, what with him being an angel and all. Either that or I was hallucinating. Or I was dreaming. I was betting on one of those last two.

“It hasn’t been a good life, either, Bobby Ray.”

And still, I shrugged. Or maybe I hadn’t stopped from the previous time. “I blame my parents for that.”

The angel shook his head. “Honor thy father and thy mother, Bobby Ray.”

I snickered. “Have you met the Beauregards? Flies keep their distance. Too shitty, even for them.” I glanced at the brick. I figured I could take this guy if need be. He didn’t look like the fighting type. Flying, sure, but not fighting.

“The Lord said to honor thy father and thy mother, Bobby Ray, and so honor you must.”

I sighed. Tom was still fast asleep. Probably dreaming of Matty, my ex.

“Seems kind of a waste of time to honor the likes of them,” I told the angel. “They wouldn’t even appreciate it. Don’t much like that I’m gay, but honoring sounds sorts of pansy-ass. Their words, not mine.” And those were nice words in comparison to their usual words.

The angel moved a step closer, a step closer still, tippy toes dragging the floor. He was now standing directly in front of me -- or maybe it was closer to hovering, really -- leaning down, in. I stared into eyes blue as the heavens. Go figure. It was, in fact, a bit like looking into eternity itself. “Your parents sound delightful, but be that as it may --”

I held up my hand. “I get it, I get it. Honor. Don’t kill. Blah, blah, blah.” I squinted up at him. “You visit everyone who’s about to break a commandment? Because I’d have thought we would’ve met a hell of a lot sooner than know.”

The angel straightened his back and moved an inch in reserve. Up until that moment, he looked, I don’t know, sort of at peace. All angelic looking. Like he didn’t have a care in the world. But just for a second, I could’ve sworn I saw a flinch of pain. Maybe it was my choice of words. Or word. Hell, I mean.

“I --” he said, but suddenly got cut off.

No, there wasn’t a bright light again. I was glad for that. My eyes were still watering from the first one. This time, there was a puff of foul-smelling smoke, very fire and brimstone stinking. I mean, I guess. Not like I’d smelled brimstone before. Not that I even knew what brimstone was. In any case, I coughed, rubbed at my nose as the black cloud disappeared to reveal what I assumed was a demon. I mean, the guy was red all over and had horns protruding a good foot from his temples, so demon was probably a good guess, as guesses went. Plus, I already had an angel, so a demon seemed logical. As much as anything did right about then, I mean.